The Highs and Lows

The highs and lows....there have been a little bit of both. To bring you up to speed...I weighed myself 1 week into the cleanse, and I had lost 7 pounds!!! Woohoo!! I conquered a few tough situations that week, as well. A friend from school came to visit the Saturday before, and wanted to go out for Vietnamese food. I had been following the cleanse plan perfectly...well besides incorporating chicken before the actual date, that is. Anyway, we went for Vietnamese, and I got pho.....such a delicious soup. Not entirely unhealthy, either, except one of the toppings is hoisin sauce, which lists sugar as its first ingredient. I thoroughly enjoyed the pho. (A side note....after the Vietnamese food, my head felt a bit detached and "foggy"...that is what sugar does to me.) Later that night, I had a family birthday party to attend. My sister made pasta with meatballs with all the starchy additions - italian bread, garlic bread with cheese. In the past, I would have completely thrown the entire day out after "screwing up" and eating the pho...with eggrolls and freshly squeezed lime juice (with sugar), too...did I forget to mention those?? But I didn't. In fact, I didn't eat anything at my sister's house. She did have a delicious salad, but I truly was not hungry after having a late lunch with my friend. Then, on Sunday, I made oatmeal raisin chocolate chip cookies for my boys. I didn't eat any!!! Until Tuesday night....but I only had 2 then. I realized that I am an emotional eater when, on Monday, I was a bit stressed and kept chanting "I wanna eat 10 cookies, I wanna eat 10 cookies." I didn't, and it may sound silly that I am just now realizing that I'm an emotional eater, but I guess I just never fully paid attention to why I was eating something.


The second week of the cleanse, I didn't lose any weight. It may have something to do with the fact that I basically stopped following the cleanse during that week. By January 24th, the actual end date of the cleanse, I was back to my starting weight....minus 0.8lbs. Aaaannnnnndddddd, this is why I've delayed writing this entry. It's not a whole lot of fun to admit failure, but even amid this failure, I am working on learning about myself and becoming more aware of why I do what I do. You see, I am a perfectionist. If I'm not doing something "perfectly" then why do it at all. Why exercise when I've been eating like crap?? Why continue eating healthy if I just blew it at lunch?? So, I feel like I'm back where I started, and feeling a bit discouraged about it.


But I refuse to stop trying...so, beginning today I have created a chart with three behavioral adjustments that I will work on for the month of February. Each day that I am successful, I will put a check mark next to that item. At the end of the month, instead of thinking that I am a complete failure, I will be able to see exactly how I did and celebrate the positive things I have done. For this month, I will focus on the following:


1. At dinner, half of my plate will be vegetables.
2. Take supplements as scheduled. Currently, I am only taking a multivitamin and iodine, but I keep forgetting!! I want to become more disciplined, so this is why this item is on my list. It may seem small to some, but it is a sign of a bigger problem for me.
3. Exercise daily. This will consist of either walking (or walk/run depending on how motivated I am) or cardio videos at home.


So, I've confessed.....aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh. I feel better already!